More shite that I write for the sake of writing.

Maybe it's because I have no one else I can really talk to, but I feel like I have to share some things. Even if it is just to my future self. I could never get it before, but I can actually see how people love just talking about their crap (even if it pretty much just them saying it).

A week ago I had almost given up on 'that girl'. In a way. But recently I heard something that completely twisted the game around. In the way most likely to be a joke, and least likely to be taken seriously, I was told she likes me. But hey, screw all the doubt, it is so fun to believe it. So I do, in a way, although only in my mind. It really is awesome sometimes to be a person. It might even be beneficial in some way, as I am more likely to let at least a little slip of how much I absolutely adore her. Now I am promising, that I will tell her how I feel. I am doubting I will do it, but I am promising it here. Please do it future self. You have 18 days to do something at least. Please.

Why don't I do anything? Perhaps it is time for some homebrand psychology. As far as I can see, there are 2 reasons I don't. The risk of being rejected is not worth the chance of 'winning' (what word is there in the English language, or otherwise, that describes what I want here?). Alternatively, there are some negatives associated with 'winning' that outweigh the positives. Although I cant quite see what these would be. So it must be the fear of rejection. The only problem with this is, last time I was in this situation, I got to the point the chance of rejection was minimised to 0 (as in mutual 'liking' (that is really a horrible word for what I want to say) was guaranteed) . But I still did nothing. Which indicated that there were some negatives associated with doing something that outweighed the positives in my mind. Have I changed all that much since then? I hope so. Oh Lord I hope so.

And I keep realising how damn creepy this would be for most others to read, let alone 'that girl' (I think saying her name once was enough really). I am playing this like a damn game. And the biggest problem with that is that I can always afford to lose a game, but not this chance.

But a life should always have secret plans. And one begins to form. Iptspgoatltm. You might want to check out ypwtkwtm if that means something to you.