You can help me!

I probably am obsessed. Or at least crazy. I can honestly not spend 5 minutes without thinking of that girl. It has gotten to the point that I feel I need to talk to her. Almost like an addiction, I need my fix. That is actually what it feels like. Probably not good.

Today I spent 5 and a half hours regretting a tiny mistake I made in talking to her two weeks ago. Here it is, just so you don't forget it future self.
"Hey, I should come into your work some time and be like, hey!"
"Yeah, SOMETHING NOT QUITE ABOUT THAT"
I said yeah in an almost dismissive way! Perhaps by letting a even a tiny bit of my true excitement at the prospect into my voice, it might have actually happened! Then that five and a half hours at work today would not have been spent with the stupid rotting feeling of regret eating me from the inside. I doubt it would have happened, but as I have said before, being optimistic is much more fun.

More incredible news. She almost planned a time for an IM talk! In a kind of round about way. Not even really at all. But it shows she does not consider these things that have sadly become the second greatest bits of my life (after real face to face talking) to be just polite forced conversation. Which is promising in a way I suppose.

Something else good, but I feel I almost ruined it: I was at the movies, AND I SAW HER THERE! After the movie admittedly, at McDonald's. But she saw me, AND came over. And we talked, which I loved, but I think I hid my absolute rapture at seeing her too much. Damn 'friends'. Cant show emotion round that lot. But still, she talked to ME! When she had other friends there! Amazing.

Ok, here what I am going to do this week.
Break: Stop sitting with my 'friends' that are most likely to stop me expressing my feelings. They have been assholes to everyone lately too, and it would seem to be for the best. A year ago I would not have considered it, but thank you Lord, I will do it.
Help: Help someone else out. Makes me feel less worthless. Especially if no one ever finds out it was me, so I can exaggerate its importance rather than people putting it into perspective for me. Then I can tell myself I have really made a positive difference in someone else's life, without being able to know for sure.
Express: Let that girl know even just a tiny bit how much she means to me. This is the hardest one. Obviously cant tell exactly how much she means to me, because that will most likely just freak her out. But just in some small way, let her know at least to a tiny extent my feelings. Even if it is just telling her how she is easily the most awesome girl at the school. Or the only girl I have talked to in years. Or the only girl I have ever even talked to this much. Or how she is the only thing ever on my mind, and my every waking moment (even in my dreams as well) I think of her, inventing conversations with her, imagining things we could do together, beating myself up over how I may never be able to tell her this, etc. I am a wreck.
Ok, that's my goal this week. 4 days. Break, Help, Express. Most importantly express. Please, God, help me express.