Well Theres Your Problem

I have been looking at all my failures as being caused by innate failings of myself. Recently I stopped and considered why these failures are in me, my social insecurity and horrendous fear of expressing myself. It is because I am afraid to be judged.

This seems to fit everything I complain about and more. Even my taste in music. I listen to such incredibly obscure bands because that lets me avoid judgement. No one can make generalizations about you (based on music choice) when they know nothing of the band you are listening to. I rarely give true opinions either. Or initiate conversations. Or choose to sit somewhere that could possibly lead someone to form an opinion of me.

It also explains the creation of my out of control proxy. And the way I start to sweat when someone looks at work that I have put real effort into. Which also happens when I show someone some of my music. Which I avoid a ridiculous amount.

So I have found the problem. I just need to fix it. But how? It needs more thought.

Anyway, this thing really does seem to be helping. You are better than a psychiatrist future self, especially as I am perfectly comfortable in expressing myself to you. You are the one person I know that wont try and force preconceived notions onto me or lump me into generic categories based on my actions.