Swedish Reggae?

Yeah, Swedish Reggae. More proof that if it is awesome, it's in Sweden. Where it gets made even awesomer by the Swedes, until such extreme levels of awesomeness are reached that awesomeness is actually sucked out of neighbouring countries. Sweden has actually taken 80% of the awesomeness from certain regions in eastern Europe (the ones with lower awesomeness retention factors), such as Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Belarus and Slovakia. Other regions are trying their best to retain their awesomeness, such as Poland (who's awesomeness is entirely maintained by Michal Marcinowski) and Germany (which relies upon its industrial music scene). Scandinavian countries naturally have high awesomeness retention factors, so they will be able to resist Sweden's black hole like suction of awesomeness for some time.

More on that girl. Seems if I am not failing, I am just plain out running from her. I sicken myself. Which is my problem. How can anyone ever accept me, when I don't even accept myself. The best they can do is accept that strange hollow shell that is me in public, like a cheap Chinese model of myself. That actually is it.

There is no point in even trying to 'get with' anyone, when it is not even me that they know. I am attracted (OK, obsessed in a completely unhealthy way) to someone, but they see that other me, the one that sickens even me. And if even I am sickened by him, how could I expect someone I respect not to be? What a hideous curse. I need a name for that other me, the one that has 'friends' and distances me from all that I enjoy. Perhaps I will call him my false proxy. He acts for me, but I don't want him to. I will kill him. Brutally. Annihilate this out of control creation, before he really fucks things up.

I think I made him. A form of armour for my soft, insecure and sensitive self. He is out of control. Like Frankenstein's monster, he holds me hostage. Perhaps through the creation of another he will leave? No, he must be killed. But how? He is far too powerful to take on single handed, and besides he has rooted in so deep I would tear myself apart removing him. Worse than a cancer.

This is an even worse level of responsibility dodging. Now its no longer my fault I am a weak gutless loser, oh no, its the other me. We are not related you see. I am the good me, he is the bad. It's that simple. I cant do anything wrong, I am perfect. Its the other me that is the loser, the broken one, the problem. No longer my fault. I cant do anything, that's just what happens. My failure is unavoidable.

I am disgusting.