I have a Plan

Well if you were expecting more literary revelations, I am going to have to disappoint you. I am intending to add something soon, as soon as I get the time to actually write the thing. Anyway, about my plan.

I was thinking, this place is where I fully express myself. It is the best representation of the real me (or so I like to think, sometimes I feel I still censor some things on here). So, well, it would be kind of interesting to show it to someone who knows me, but preferably in such a way that I don't have to endure the whole awkwardness of knowing that they know kind of thing. Ideally it would be someone I wont be seeing again, at least, intentionally. The people I know now, well they're good people but not so much my type I feel (the exception is that girl, but that could be entirely due to my feelings on the matter). Ok, enough messing around, here it is.

I will leave this place, go somewhere else (in real life, not find another blog or anything). I want to, this place bores me and I feel I don't quite belong. It might be just me, but I have to know. So basically I leave, with no or little intention of coming back or keeping contact with the people I know. Then phase 2 kicks in.

As I part, not even telling them that I am leaving, I give each one the link to this site. That is all I leave them with. Most will probably ignore it, some may read it and not realise it is me, but the important thing is that they have an opportunity. If anyone does actually read it, and put it together, then I completely regret leaving them and would probably want to get back in contact. I don't really feel me leaving would be such a big deal to them all anyway. But if someone proves that they did actually care for me (that sounds wrong, obviously they all do, I cant quite explain) then they win. I keep in contact with them. I realise the plan makes me sound like an emo prick "Oh noes nobody cares nobody understands me whinge whinge maybe when i am gone they will care...blah blah blah", but I don't intend it that way. It is more, an experiment so to say. So if I actually do end up doing this, which I honestly doubt I will, and you are one of those people reading this, hi!. Leave a comment. I have been planning this for a long time (or will have been by the time you read this).

Anyway, back to the girl thing. Seems I cant post without one. Not actually surprising considering that is honestly all I think about. It cant be healthy. Just like in that awesome SOil song, I am obsessed. You have probably realised. More whinging on how I am too scared to talk (I should just give it an abbreviation to save me typing the same crap each time), and on to the developments. I suppose I could tentatively call her a friend at least (she probably wouldn't do the same back), but I can at least initiate conversation. When it seems reasonable to do so. Which is very rarely (INSERT WHINGE ON SOCIAL INSECURITY CRAP HERE). I can honestly say the highlight of each day is being with her, I look forward to the five minutes and the start and end of the day when we 'can' talk. At which point I have to include a very appropriate comic:

What a loser, I know. Damn I am sad.