Religion

Seeing as this thing is now a message to my future self, I might as well get my current opinions on things out there.

Do I believe in God? Sometimes. While I think about things analytically, and can only logically arrive at my deterministic view of the world (see here), I still imagine talking to god. Mostly asking for stuff. I wouldn't call it worship at a all, more of something to do as an alternative to actually thinking of strategies to achieve something. So as you can expect most of it is asking for a girl-friend. The thing is, I actually expect something to happen, in a maybe, maybe not kind of way. This expectation is all because of an incident involving (yup, you guessed it) a girl, way back in grade 7. You probably remember that. If you don't, it was just a series of coincidences so unlikely and ultimately beneficial to me that I could not imagine any other possibility than it being all arranged. While I seriously considered altruistic teachers and even the girl herself, a divine being seemed the answer. While, no I did not get with the girl (because I was too scared and insecure, big surprise) the incident did foster a view in me that everything has a purpose. My deterministic view of things actually helps this, because if there is only one way things can play out, there must be something special in the way things has (if there is a divine being who actually cares about anything). Ultimately it all leads to a feeling that I must eventually achieve something significant or something significant will happen to me, as I am here. It is kind of hard to explain. Some days I don't even believe other people exist. Is this all some kind of test for me, or a giant experiment?

Anyway, back on to religion. I reckon God is a pretty cool guy, who's working on getting me (rather has set things out for me) to get the girl-friend in the future. Cant quite explain that one. The loss before where I can so close but lost due to my insecurity (the grade 7 incident, see above) I see as more preparation. If you ask for strength from God, he does not give you strength, rather an opportunity to show it (a nice saying I heard somewhere, cant remember where, probably some book). So if I want to be more confident and stronger, I don't suddenly get strength and confidence (this is physically impossible anyway, without relying on 'magic'), I get opportunities to show strength and confidence. In all of these I have failed. So far I am either up to my second or third big opportunity (with you know who, begins with S), and I have a firm belief third times the charm. So if it is the third I will finally overcome my insecurity. If not I will learn a very valuable lesson the hard way.

Wow. For such an analytical person, I believe a lot of completely baseless speculation (or crap).