Different things

Usually I write after thinking a bit. I have been relaxed for a while and listening to sombre and reflective music if listening at all. Right now though I listening to the Californian stoner rock tunes of Fu Manchu and loving it. I'm in an excellent mood for some reason, which is pretty unusual while I'm alone. Generally when this happens I'd just chill on my bed and look at random crap on the net while procrastinating on assignments, but not today. This entire post has been composed while head banging.

No real news. Stuff has kept happening. Still into that girl. I can fairly safely say that I'm pretty into her. When everything I think of gets brought back somehow to her, when I am constantly imagining conversations with her, when I get home dancing after a decent talk with her, I think I can say I'm attracted. Does it show? Can the other people around me tell I'm attracted? I would think so, but I don't think anyone pays enough attention to me to notice. I mean, my typical conversation with a girl will hit either an awkward silence or be brought to a grinding halt with some iron door words (also known as conversation killers, a little skill of mine). I will actually call across the class to her, after she calls to me (cant make my attraction too obvious). Actually that brings up a point. I think I am killing it with my debilitating (fun word) fear of expressing feelings. I won't go talk to her at lunch, oh no, that would not be 'me'. Yes it would. I want to, so that is therefore me. Damn social conditions. I want to yell it out, ignore my 'friends', do nothing but be with her, but I can't. I am too scared. Story of my life pretty much, I'll look back on this in a years time and want to travel through time and beat myself to a bloody pulp, but even though I know I will regret it, I still won't. Of course it is up to me to change this. Goddamn it. I'll keep looking for an easier way, but I've done this before. There isn't one.

Of topic, but how often does someone get interrupted by their brother asking for a mattress? Cant be a regular occurrence.

Again with the questions. Does this interest you? Its kind of pointless, considering you don't exist, but anyway.

Ahh well. Things are still looking good, got a whole 6 months to sort out my girl issues, but I can guarantee that I will look back then and regret this now. And I still wont change. Goddamn it I'm a wimp.

Now another question for my imaginary readers, who are of course sensitive, understanding and completely awesome. I'm off to Europe over Christmas, where should I go? Just comment below or email me. I eagerly await some response. Any response. Oh God.